Big Heavy Watermelons – $1
⭐☆☆☆☆ Watermelon Woes
Bought a watermelon from Facebook Marketplace, and it was a disaster. It was so heavy I nearly injured myself. Inside, it was pale, bland, and watery—like eating a sad sponge. Seeds were everywhere, and it flooded my kitchen with sticky juice.
Perry the Platypus Coin Bank – $5
⭐⭐⭐☆☆ Perry the Platypus Coin Bank: Just Okay
Bought a Perry the Platypus coin bank. It’s cute and does the job, but nothing special. Holds a decent amount of coins, though the paint job could be better. Perry’s expression is a bit off, but it’s a fun little addition to my shelf. 🦆💰
Nokia Phone – $20
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Nokia 3310: The Chuck Norris of Phones
Just got a Nokia 3310, and it’s basically the Chuck Norris of phones. Dropped it from space—no scratch. Battery life? It probably outlives me. Comes with the legendary Snake game. Who needs apps when you have Snake? This phone is so tough, I’m pretty sure it could stop a bullet. Best. Phone. Ever. 📞💪